


I'm Sorry I Wasn't There for You

by AzureDiamondz



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Stan Marsh, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Gay Kyle Broflovski, Gay Stan Marsh, Goth Stan Marsh, M/M, Post-Divorce, Relationship(s), Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:20:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureDiamondz/pseuds/AzureDiamondz
Summary: His friends left him, he miraculously still is with Wendy, but he's so sick and tired of the side glances, the whispering behind his back, the only way Stan Marsh can even feel happy in his cynicism and depression filled world is through the use of drugs and alcohol. The one person he thought would stay by his side, doesn't even seem to care, but no matter how clueless or stubborn that person is, he's the only one who can save him.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 13
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a fanfic I had in my head where the events of the episode "You're Getting Old," continued throughout their High School years. It probably has been done, but I figured why not. Now in this story, Kyle might be a bit hated on at the beginning, but to me, I hated how he treated Stan in the aforementioned episode, it didn't feel right. So bear with me on this one, anyways, enjoy the read!  
> Disclaimer: South Park and its characters are owned by Matt Stone and Trey Parker and Comedy Central.

Darkness, that's all he wanted to be surrounded in. Sleep was the only comfort he had in the world. Waking up was a chore, seeing everyone at school was a nightmare, at least the goth kids were cool with him, but when everything is shit to you but the only people who feel empathetic towards what you feel, it'ss all you really look forward to. Ever since his cynicism took over his life at the age of 10, Stan Marsh had no one to confide to, no one that was there for him. His friends Kenny and Eric had removed him completely from their lives, living on without his pessimistic view on things. The one that hurt him the most was his once best friend Kyle Broflovski, who would rather change his best friend to the anti-Semitic and racist Eric Cartman, who although seemed nicer, had not changed at all. He hadn't talked to any of them at all, but if he did or if he at least noticed,, he would have seen that Eric was no longer with them at all. He didn't care anyways. His parents, divorced, didn't care that much, seeing as how therapy was a waste of time and money after the failed attempts to get him to change, left him alone, but he could care less. His sister, Shelly, although in college and no longer lived with them, no longer bullied him when she came to visit for holidays, but only because he was taller, quieter, and kept to himself, she pitied him, but would never admit it. The only people in his life that actually talked to him were the Goth kids, who although reluctant to have him join after their first incident, ultimately agreed seeing how much alike he was with them, he didn't have to pretend to be like them, and to Stan, they were actually good friends, unlike others. The other person that talked to him was his girlfriend Wendy Testaburger, the outspoken, peppy, and intelligent noirette. He wondered why she stuck with him when everyone had left, but she had insisted that no matter how he changed or what happened, she still loved him. He appreciated that, but felt a pang of guilt down his throat, like swallowing acid when she told him that. The Goth Kids teased him about having a conformist girlfriend, the same one that brought him to them the first time, but he would chuckle and flip them off. Remembering everything that happened to him as he opened his eyes, a Monday morning, he shuffled in his bed and groaned, covering his face with the blankets.

"Stan! Get up, you have to get ready for school." He heard his mom as she knocked on his door, retreating footsteps as she walked away.

He looked at his phone on the nightstand, still connected to the charger; **6:30** **am** , it read. Clad in nothing but his boxers, he threw the covers off him, and got up to start a dreaded day. After the morning activities, which included carefully washing his cut up arms, no one knew, and that's how he wanted it to stay, he looked in the mirror, black eyeshadow, cross earring in his left ear, no longer wearing the old beanie that he had as a kid, but instead letting his black shaggy hair fly down almost covering his eyes, black hoodie up and black ripped jeans, black fingerless gloves and black boots, he was the definition of a typical goth. Stan sighed as he grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder, letting one strap fall, he whisked down the stairs, and ran out the door, ignoring his mom who called to him for breakfast, why eat when it looks like shit? Why eat when it won't fill the void inside him? He walked out into the cold, August morning, sun shining and streets busy with everyone starting their day, Stan ignored everything and opted to put the earbuds connected to his phone in his ears, and pressed play on whatever song he was listening to last night, classic metal core, just to drown out the noises of the day. By the time he had even realized it, he had already made it to school, well, the back of the school actually. The usual hangout spot for him and his friends, he sat down next to the garbage cans and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, popped on into his mouth, pulled out his lighter and lit it, taking a nice, slow drag before exhaling the smoke slowly, he enjoyed this, it felt good.

"So Raven, I take it we aren't invited?" He heard as he looked towards the source. Pete, Michael, and Henrietta. The only one missing was Firkle, who was only in 7th grade, whilst Stan, Pete and Henrietta were juniors, and Michael, the only senior.

"No one's stopping you Pete. Sit down and wallow with me." Stan said as he took another drag from the stick in his fingers.

"Jeez, what's wrong with you today? Conformist girlfriend break up with you?" Michael asked as he sat down with the others, lighting his own cigarette.

"Nope, just the usual. On that topic though, I might break it off with her today."

"Oh really? You're ending it? That's a surprise seeing as how she usually does it, what happened this time?" Henrietta said ending in a sarcastic tone, rolling her eyes.

"I just don't like lying to her. All that love and shit, I don't feel the same anymore. Every day I feel like being sucked into a black hole, and part of it is her, being in the same relationship, on and off. I just don't love her like I did before." The raven haired teen explained putting his cigarette out.

"Well fuck, finally. We thought you'd stay with that Britney Spears wannabe forever." Pete flipped his hair as he said this.

"Yea, yea, fuck off. Anyway, you guys want a shot?" Stan asked as he pulled out a bottle. This particular bottle was green, long and filled with liquid. A bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey.

"Fuck are you doing with that? Are you trying to get in trouble?" Michael exasperated trying to knock the bottle away, only for Stan to hold it close to him. Pete and Henrietta looked wide-eyed at him.

"One of the only ways to keep me happy. So I'm taking that as a no?" He said calmly, offering it to the others, they all looked at him concerned, they usually just smoked and talked about how shit life was. This was the first time Stan had shown them he drinks. "And you guys call me a pussy." He laughed before unscrewing the top and taking a swig, putting the cap back on and putting inside his bag.

"If anyone catches you with that, you're in deep shit, you know that?" Henrietta said as she smoked her cigarette.

"That's why no one but you knows, and I hope it stays that way. Look, class is about to start, so I'm going to catch up with you later." He retorted back at them.

"Not gonna ditch today?"

"I would, but If my mom catches me ditching again, then I won't be able to come over later for our nightly poem readings, so fuck my life." Stan replied. slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Still living with rules conformist?" Pete challenged him.

Stan merely got to his feet, turned around and flipped him off as he walked into school, the bell ringing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey?" He heard, breaking out of his thoughts he looked up to see a familiar and unwelcome face.
> 
> Blue eyes met blue as he looked at the person who spoke to him, blonde hair, orange jacket.
> 
> "What the hell do you want Kenny? He hadn't spoken to him in years, and the first thing he says is 'Hey?'
> 
> "Stan, listen man. This might be too late coming from me, and I know I'm the wrong person you want to hear this from, but I'm sorry. For leaving you. I was a shit friend, but I want you to know, that if you need me, even just to hang or smoke, I'm here now. I don't like seeing you like this." Kenny said soothingly, if it didn't work, then Stan must be too far gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another chapter, was currently on writer's block for both this and The Azure Ranger haha, but don't worry, that story should be getting an update soon, work has been stressing me out lately. But Anyway, back to another chapter of "I'm Sorry I Wasn't There for You."

The hallways in between classes were packed to the brim, bustling with students either talking to friends or walking to their next classes, but all he wanted was complete and utter silence. He was resting against his locker when his thoughts drifted away, surroundings becoming empty, black. All he saw was himself in the void, that's all it ever seemed to him, life, just an endless, unhappy turmoil you're stuck in.

"Hey?" He heard, breaking out of his thoughts he looked up to see a familiar and unwelcome face.

Blue eyes met blue as he looked at the person who spoke to him, all he saw was blonde hair and an orange jacket.

"What the hell do you want Kenny? He hadn't spoken to him in years, and the first thing he says is 'Hey?'

"Stan, listen man. This might be too late coming from me, and I know I'm the wrong person you want to hear this from, but I'm sorry. For leaving you. I was a shit friend, but I want you to know, that if you need me, even just to hang or smoke, I'm here now. I don't like seeing you like this." Kenny said soothingly, if it didn't work, then Stan must be too far gone.

"Really? After 7 years of not talking to me, not even acknowledging me, you finally come to me on this day to apologize? You left me to wallow in my pain for so long, not once did you even text me or ask how I was, and yea, you are the wrong person I want to hear this from, so please, leave me alone, you were good at that for 7 years, do it again for another 7." The raven-haired teen shrugged off his former friend, who watched him silently walk away.

"I'm sorry."

Kenny walked off, bumping into a rather unexpected person, accidentally knocking her on the ground, she huffed as she landed.

"Shit! My bad Wendy." He offered his hand to the fallen noirette, who accepted.

"Thanks. What was that about?" She smiled, although concerned at the blonde's facial expression when he frowned.

"I tried talking to your boyfriend, I tried apologizing and making amends, hell I was sure he'd want to smoke with me,, but he didn't want to hear it."

If Wendy ever did get angry, she didn't really show, only one person could make her rage escalate, but now, that list bumped to 3. Without thinking, she slapped the poorer teen across the face.

"You think that all that pain, all that suffering he has endured will go away with just an 'I'm sorry?' After all this time, he's had no one to talk to, no one but me and those Goth kids to talk to, and I know they don't offer him soothing words, but at least they talk to him. You don't know what it's like, wanting to do something or kiss him, and seeing the look in his eyes, he can't stand living anymore. I know it! It hurts, but Goddammit he deserves everything in this world! He's an amazing person who had his best friends leave him for something he can't control!" She sobbed, tears running down and all Kenny could do was stare at her in shock, was Stan really going through all that?

"I-I know, but I'll try. No matter what, I regret doing what I did all those years ago I regret not making an effort to talk to him. Even if he doesn't want to hear it, I'll keep trying to make it up to him, it's the least I can do to earn his trust and friendship back."

Wendy actually looked taken back at that, maybe there was hope, maybe Stan did have more people that cared, but she kept her stoic gaze.

"Good. Now if you would excuse me, I have to get to debate club. Oh, and tell your other friend that if he's done being an asshole, his supposed Super Best Friend needs him too." She said as she walked off, clutching her books against her chest, long black hair flowing, leaving Kenny to think over her what she said, he shrugged, leaving as well.

Wendy walked through the halls, saying hi to all her friends and smiling, but as she grew closer to her debate class, her smile faded, she noticed someone leaning outside the door, someone she loved, someone she couldn't bear to look at. His blue eyes looked up to her, and she immediately held back tears. She walked up to him, resting her hand in his pale face.

"Wendy, we have to talk." He spoke, words icy, like stalactites piercing through her heart.

"Sure, but.."

"Wends, you know I love you right?"

"Of course Stan, but..."

"I hate lying to you, I hate everything. I hate how you're an amazing girl, and you're stuck with a piece of shit like me."

"Stan, don't...you're not..."

"I am Wends. I know, I appreciate you being there for me all these years, I appreciate everything you've done to help me, but I can't take it anymore, I can't take all the gossiping, all the whispers and all the stares behind my back. How I don't deserve you, how you can find anyone else, someone way better, how I am a pathetic waste of space. I'm just so ashamed of myself, of living. I'm sorry Wendy, I love you and I appreciate everything but we can't do this anymore." He wasn't sure if those voices were all in his head, or all the people around him, but it didn't matter, his mind was made up.

"Stan...I'm sorry. If there was anything I could do, I would." Wendy cried, resting her head on his chest, leaning in to hear his heartbeat, Stan wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. This was the side of him he didn't show his Goth friends, the comforting side of him, throughout the pain and alcohol abuse and feeling alone, a small of part of the old him was still there, fighting.

"You don't have to anything. You've done so much for me and I'm sorry I wasn't your perfect boyfriend."

"Stan, you are one of my favorite people in the world. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks, they don't know the real you, and our time together means more to me than you could ever know. You are the perfect boyfriend, but for someone else. I love you too. I just want you to be happy." She looked up to meet his gaze, and they exchanged their last kiss together as a couple, she felt his cold lips grace hers, and for a moment, she felt the old Stan in this kiss, she felt the fire, the passion that started it off. She would have wanted it to last, but he pulled back gently. Looking into each other's eyes, they smiled and Wendy almost cried tears of joy, the first, almost genuine smile from Stan, and even though it only lasted a second, it'll be forever imprinted in her head. Years and years of pity and suffering, he had genuinely smiled.

"I'll make sure to talk some sense into him like I did Kenny." She winked as she walked into her class, leaving Stan confused, before walking off to his class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you can see Stan is progressing, bit by bit more as it goes on, and Kyle will make an appearance in the next chapter, I wondered what direction to take with it too, and was wondering, would you guys like it to end in a lemon? Or just nice and innocent? Let me know down in the comments, and I'll be back as soon as I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle confronts Wendy and after a reflecting of his life, decides someone needs him more than ever, but when he comes across him, he's met with a grisly sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle may be a bit of an ass at the beginning of this chapter, maybe seen as selfish or maybe oblivious, let me know. I didn't really like how he basically just left Stan in the episode all because he couldn't deal with his negativity, but yet still chose Eric over him? Well, im glad they are least friends again, right? Let's see how they do differently here.

The end of the school day signaled by the final bell ringing, all of the kids excited that their dreadful Monday school day was over, and had the rest of the day off, some however waited just a few minutes before joining the rest of the students. Kyle Broflovski walked the hallways by himself. The years had done him well, he was still friends with Kenny McCormick, but had ditched Eric long after middle school for obvious reasons. Although they were considered best friends after Stan left their group, that friendship died when Eric had not changed in the slightest bit, still finding every way to fuck with Kyle and his family, almost getting them killed when he came by their house and purposely report a false bomb threat to in his words; “There's a family of Jews here, and they're holding me hostage with a bomb.” Only for it all to be a prank, and after the SWAT team raided the house searching for the "supposed bomb," only for nothing to be found,, the chubby teen thought it was amusing to say the least, cackling like it was the greatest thing ever. Needless to say, that, along with all the other shit he had pulled, earned him a ticket to federal prison. Like Kyle cared about how that tub of lard was doing anyways. But something had grown on Kyle, he had been worried for his once Best Friend Stan Marsh. He hadn’t talked to him since Stan became cynical, and deep down, was genuinely worried for him. He had seen him a couple times at school, and felt a great deal of remorse and guilt for him. He walked through the school, almost leaving when he spotted some girls talking, he wasn’t much of an eavesdropper, but something did catch his attention.

“Hey, so did you hear? Wendy and Stan aren’t together anymore.” One of the girls, a brunette said to her friend.

“Really, not a big shocker. He was a sad pile of shit, she probably got tired of him and dropped his sorry ass.” The blonde said, chewing on bubblegum before blowing a bubble, popping it obnoxiously.

“Yea, and I heard he was a drinker. Ya know, I kind of feel bad for him. He doesn’t have anyone but those weird goth kids, he needs a real friend. And I don’t know, he is kinda cute, in the mysterious kind of way.”

He didn’t know why but Kyle felt immense jealousy at that statement, but jealousy turned to shock when he rewound what they said in his head. Stan and Wendy weren’t together again?

“Girl, I swear if you fall for him, we are done.” That was the last thing he heard before making his way to Wendy, spotting her by her locker, she was putting her belongings in her backpack.

“Wendy, did you and Stan break up?" Kyle asked as he approached her, her back to him.

"Yea, although I don't see why you care." She muttered, not wanting to speak to him.

"Why did you do it?"

"As a matter of fact Kyle, I didn't, he did. He broke up with me because he didn't want to continue hurting me by lying to me, he didn't want to hurt himself by being with someone he doesn't truly love. He told me that he feels so ashamed of himself, but he doesn't care anymore. I can see it too, in his eyes, he's so hurt and I can't even look at him without crying for him. Every since you guys fell apart, he's gotten worse and worse." Wendy explained, shedding tears as she wiped them away, her back still turned to the Jew.

"That's not my problem he left us. He chose to be all pessimistic and stop hanging out with his friends, so why should I care?" Kyle retorted, defending his stance.

Wendy angrily slammed her locker before swiftly turning towards Kyle, her angry gaze locked onto his and he momentarily felt fear.

"How could you say that? For someone so smart and so kind to just whimsily throw away their supposed best friend like that. If you were truly his friend, if you truly cared about him, you'd talk to him, see how he was. I've even offered to help him, Kenny even apologized to him and offered to smoke with him. I don't agree with it but at least he's trying, and I can see Stan smiling when he refuses it, but deep down, he needs it. And where are you? His super best friend, enjoying your life while someone you love is hurting and suffering in silence. If he left you guys, I can see why now. Why would he want someone as careless as you as a friend?" She threatened as she walked away, leaving the ushanka-wearing teen in silence.

Kyle was left there, reflecting on what she said, he had never made any attempt to talk to Stan, to see how he was, he was too busy hanging out with Eric of all people, he left his true friend, someone who would put their life on the line just to see him happy. Someone who would do anything for him, someone who made him so happy, for what? A fatass who still belittled him over the years, tried every way possible to make his life hell. He then realized that Stan never left them, but rather they all gave up on him, and walked out on him. He quickly became sick to his stomach, before vaulting to a nearby trashcan and threw up violently.

“Oh God! What the hell have I done?”

He turned back around, running in the halls, running past everybody in his way, not caring of the people he ran into, not caring about any remaining teachers telling him ‘No running in the halls!’ School was over, so what did that matter. His curly red hair poking from underneath his ushanka flowed softly as he ran, his green-gloved hands came into view as he brought them up to wipe any tears that escaped his eyes.

“Was he too late? Had Stan already gone home with everyone else? If he did go over, would his mom even let him see him?” All these thoughts ran threw his mind as he stopped to take a breath, leaning towards a nearby water fountain, he bent down to get a drink of the cold, metallic liquid, he didn’t care, something to drink.

“Hey, so do you know where Stan went? I was hoping to maybe ask him something.” He heard, it was that brunette from earlier, what the hell?

“I’m not sure, last I saw him, he went to the guys bathroom on the second floor with the Goths. Seems weird but I’m not going to say anything.” Another girl, a noirette responded.

“Oh well, guess I’ll ask him tomorrow.”

Kyle waited for them to leave before dashing up the stairs, he silently prayed to himself that they were lying. He had to talk to Stan before he did something drastic. He approached the aforementioned bathroom, and was greeted with a flickering light above him, the green stalls to his right, next to 3 urinals, the cracked mirror with graffiti to his left with a counter of sinks. He heard voices in one of the stalls.

“Dude, wake the fuck up. This isn’t funny.”

“Should we call someone? This looks serious.”

“Goddammit Raven! Wake up!”

Three distinct voices he knew as Michael, Pete, and Henrietta, he walked to the stall in question and opened it, not even unlocked, what he saw made his heart stop. The three goth kids were circled around an unconscious Stanley, who held the whiskey bottle, empty in his right hand, and a pool of vomit and blood in the toilet.

“Shit! It’s the fucking conformist pussy!” Pete declared, surprised at their intrusion.

“Wait a minute. Isn’t he like, Raven's former friend?” If Henrietta was making a threat, it sounded like that to him.

“What the fuck do you want? Can’t you see you hurt him enough?” The taller goth threatened Kyle, pushing him away.

“I don’t fucking care about that right now, Stan needs help, if you have to kill me, sacrifice me to Satan, or beat the shit out of me, do it tomorrow, but I’m going to help him.” Kyle retorted back, kneeling down to pick the unconscious teen up, picking his arm over his shoulder.

“And what makes you think he wants your help? Weren’t you the one that left him?” Henrietta spoke, eyeing the redhead carefully.

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t, but right now, I’m going to help him whether he likes or not, and if you’re going to stop me, then stop me.” Kyle stood his ground, defiant. He stood there, Stan still slumped over his shoulder, drooling a mixture of excess blood, vomit and spit.

The three Goths relented, letting Kyle take Stan with him. As they trudged along the hallways, Stan’s vision was blurry, hazy, fading in and out, he looked up to see Kyle, determined, eyes straight ahead.

“I’m here Stan, I’m here for you, and I won’t leave you ever again.”

“K-Kyle?”

His vision faded to black, passing out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle brings Stan home, and their relationship is put on the line as they finally say the things they've been dreading to say.

Stan was floating in nothing, just empty, black and dark. He looked around, but in every direction was just void. Encumbering darkness, it felt like it reached out all over him, trapping him in place. Quietly but very clear, he heard a voice speak out to him.

"Nobody cares about you." No source could be found, but the voice was as clear as day.

"Who's there?" He called out to nobody.

"You think they care? They don't. Your parents don't, your mom is too busy to worry about her own self that she can't even check after her son, your dad isn't around anymore, if he did care, he would have at least called, or made an effort to see you."

Stan heard truth in this, his mom only ever talked to him to get him to eat or to wake him up, she never truly engaged in conversation with him, she never did try to comfort him, to tell him everything was okay, hell, she never did even say 'I love you' to him, not in years. His dad was an alcoholic, even more than Stan was, and probably drank his sorry ass to sleep everyday, not even caring what happened the next day. He never did call or come by to at least spend time with him, but in all honesty, did he really want his piece of shit father to try to see him? Not really.

"You think your sister cares? She's having fun in college, with her friends and boyfriend that she can't even check up on her only sibling. As the older sister, she should protect you, look after you, and try to make sure you were okay, but deep down, you know she doesn't care. Hell, she tried to kill you on more than one occasion as kids, she hates you, she wants to be the only child."

"Shut up!!" Stan tried to cover his ears, to silence the voice, but to no avail, the voice still penetrated through, like a needle through skin. He cried tears, as every word, dug deep into his soul, he didn't want to believe it, but every second that went by, he started to believe more and more.

"Your friends don't care, Kyle, Kenny. They don't, if they did, they would have at least contacted you, they had seven years to do so, but Kyle was having fun with his new super best friend Eric, and I bet they had so much fun, so many adventures together. Kenny joined them, laughing and enjoying life, while you were left alone, no one to have fun with, no one to talk to. That's totally fair, for a 10 year old kid."

"No! You're wrong." Denial, Stan Marsh was in denial, crying and hitting himself to stop the voice in his head, but nothing worked, every sentence the voice spewed, seemed truer and truer to the poor teen. He didn't want to believe it, but how could he not?

"Wendy doesn't care. The Goths don't care. Wendy is probably out right now, having fun with a new boyfriend, someone cuter, someone worth her time, someone who will give her the attention she deserves, instead of drinking and crying. The Goths only hang out with you because you're like them, do you think they would try to talk to you if you weren't like this? Haha, no. You have no one."

"Stop, please." Quieter and quieter Stan became, he stopped trying to fight it, instead letting it hit him full force. The voice was right, it was always right.

"Do it. End it. No one will care. You could be free of this pain, this torture, just end it all. You're pathetic, a disappointment, a waste of space, just kill yourself." The voice threatened.

Okay, I will. Just please leave me alone." Stan relented, before waking up in a sweat, he launched up, breathing heavily.

"Whoa, dude. Relax, deep breaths." He felt someone hug him, wrap their arms around him as he nudged himself closer in the person's chest. He closed his eyes momentarily before opening them swiftly. He looked around, and realized he wasn't home. He looked up and saw Kyle smiling down at him. He quickly pushed the Jew off of him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked irritated.

"Here, drink this and take this. Kyle replied calmly, handing him a glass of water and some ibuprofen.

"You didn't answer my question." Stan muttered annoyed, taking the water and ibuprofen, and drinking the water like he had just got out of the desert. His mouth, still tasted like vomit, got up towards the Broflovski bathroom, and opened the cabinet, he had pulled out some mouthwash, gargling before spitting it out, rinsing his mouth out.

"Well I brought you back to my place after I saw you in the bathroom at school. You were passed out after you drank, you vomited blood, I never knew it was this bad for you." The redhead replied, sorrowful.

"Yea, well you never did check up on me so how would you know."

"Stan please...I'm trying to make up for what I did...."

"No! Shut the fuck up Kyle! You don't get to just magically save me and think everything will change. You fucking left me dude, you said I was a black hole that just sucks the life out of everything!"

"I never said that to you." Kyle retorted, he couldn't get mad, he was in the wrong here, but he couldn't help but feel offended.

"You don't remember!? Wendy told me you said that to her. She came up to you all those years ago and tried to make an effort to help. She told me she tried to make you help me, but you blew her off, you blew me off. You gave up on me! I thought you were my best friend! My super best friend! I loved you!" Stan sobbed, all the pain, all the anger, letting out right here, there was no backing down.

"You loved me?"

"Jesus christ Kyle! I told you, I loved you, when you walked away. Cartman Burger was more important to you than your Super Best Friend I guess."

"We were kids back then, I didn't know and besides you were drunk when you said that, how was I supposed to know?"

"Did you ever ask? Did you ever text me or call me, or make an effort to talk to me about it? 'Hey Stan, I couldn't help but notice you said I loved you, what did you mean by that exactly?' I may have been drunk, but I was completely truthful when I said that. I loved you dude, with all my heart. You took it and stepped on it, you wanted to hang out with that fat piece of shit who wanted to make you miserable rather than your best friend who would sacrifice his own life, to save you." The raven haired teen actually couldn't hold back as he dissolved into a mess, crying and sobbing, the heart wrenching noises he made tore Kyle apart. The Jew reacted in the only way he could, he pulled Stan into the tightest hug he could, rubbing his back and letting him sob into his chest.

"I'm..I'm so sorry Stan. I-I have no words. If I had been a better friend, if I had at least made an attempt to talk to you, to get in touch, I would've stopped everything just to be with you again, just to see you again. It's been hell without you dude. Every day I see you at school, I wanted to come up to you and tell you everything. Tell you that I'll do anything just to be your Super Best Friend again! To hold your hand and see you smile again. I-I'm sorry Stan, with all my heart. Even if it takes a million years for you to forgive me, I'll be here, with you and I'll never leave, I swear to you. Nothing means more to me than you dude. I love you too." Kyle soothed his friend, rubbing his back and held him tight, not letting go. He looked out the window, sky painted in orange as the sun began to set behind the Colorado Mountains, the town lights began to turn on as the nightly stores in ChiTpaTown bustled. The rest of the Broflovski family probably out there, but none of that mattered, all that mattered was being here for Stan.

"Just tell me dude. Why did you drink yourself to pass out. What happened? I want to be here to help." Kyle said calmly, all he heard was the hiccups of the broken teen still in his chest.

"The alcohol helped, I know it wasn't healthy, but it was the only way I could feel happy. That's not all I did though."

"What do you mean?" If drinking wasn't all he did, what else?

"I took pills, just a couple every now and then, it helped with the pain, made me feel loose."

"No, Stan. Please."

"And...no, nevermind." Stan looked away sheepishly, avoiding eye contact. He felt his gaze being pulled up by Kyle, finger on his chin as he looked up, blue meeting green.

"Stan, I'm here. I promise, whatever it is, I'm here, and I won't judge you ever."

"I...I resorted to this." Stan said as he pulled his sleeves up, revealing dark cuts across both his wrists, there were 3 on each arm, they were dried already old, but still ghastly. Kyle actually recoiled in shock, hand over his mouth and eyes filled with guilt.

"Oh God Stan. It hurts, please promise me you won't ever do that ever again." He said as he hugged the pained teen.

"Kyle...I..."

"Please! Stan! Fuck! Every second without you hurt me physically and emotionally, just seeing you at school made me feel like I was a horrible, careless person. And to see you drinking to near death, to hear you take pills to take the pain away, to see you cut yourself to ease the suffering. No! I'm here for you! And I'll do whatever it takes to help you get over it, to quit everything. You're my Stan! I need you."

"Kyle I won't do any of it anymore, I promise, just never leave me dude. I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I was so close to ending it all if I never got the chance to be with you. I..."

"No, you won't you idiot. Don't even fucking say that. If you left, I wouldn't forgive myself. I love you Stan." Kyle said as he leaned in and kissed his best friend with such vigor and passion that Stan fell backwards on the bed, pinned down underneath the Jew. All those emotions, all the pain and sadness, al those thoughts of self-harm, dissolved in the embrace of Kyle. He no longer felt like shit, he no longer saw shit. The voices in his head stopped, almost evaporated without a trace. The friendship, rekindled, but burned even brighter than before. As they exchanged kisses, tongue swapping and fighting for dominance, they tossed on the bed, until Stan was underneath Kyle, the redhead resting his head against Stan's chest.

"So...are we okay?" Kyle asked nervously.

"Yes, we are. I'm sorry Ky, for everything."

"You don't have to apologize. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I was a horrible friend." Kyle replied, blushing at his love nickname.

"Will you be my boyfriend? I need you forever in my life." Stan asked hopeful.

"Of course dude, it wasn't even a question. I'm here for you, forever." Kyle replied, smiling. He turned to look at Stan, although he still wore the eyeliner, he could see the pain slowly melt away in the look in his eyes. "I'll never leave your side, ever again."

The two teens lay on Kyle's bed, wrapped in each others embrace, holding onto each other as if one of them let go, that one would disappear forever. They let the night overtake them, and let sleep approach them. For Stan, it was the best sleep he would ever get in years, and it would be the happiest he would ever be, smiling, crying silent tears of joy as he looked down at Kyle, who had already fallen asleep. He kissed the top of Kyle's red curls, grateful that the one person he truly cared for, truly loved, was the one who was there for him now and he would never leave. He fell asleep, ready for the start of change, improvement, a better and new life with his new boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I've decided to end this story with an innocent and love ending. Hope you guys enjoyed this read! Time to finish The Azure Ranger!


End file.
